I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
