I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
