what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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