working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Floor bacon is actually really good
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
