I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
