I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
