I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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