it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
