do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
