it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
