If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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