Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
