he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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