Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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