i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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