Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
