I'm gonna have a badass scar
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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