You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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