She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
