I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize