hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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