My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
