Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
