$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Randomize
