I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
