I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
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