so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
