I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
