dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize