we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
