if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
