party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
