Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
