On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
