When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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