He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
