Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
