I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Let's get the cat blown out
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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