A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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