He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
