I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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