I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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