Need sex. Gaining weight.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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