My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
