You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
