The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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