I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize