meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
