I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
