my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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