It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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