i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
