I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize