Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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