boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
