I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
