Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I wish I only lived at night.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize