So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
sex in a hospital.. check
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
