I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
