im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
