i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
