i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
