Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
