i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize