I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
