Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
