I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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