Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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