i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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