someone owes me an orgasm
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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