Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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