At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
