my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
