So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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