This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
