Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
