thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
