I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
