I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Randomize
