but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
